> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.qntns.com/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# On going deaf
- URL: https://www.qntns.com/on-going-deaf/
- Published: 2025-05-06T14:46:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-08-31T16:45:33.000Z
- Description: When little, real little, earliest memories little, bedwetting little, biting humans (when mad) little, Dino Nugget dinner little ...
- Author: Quentin Staley
- Tags: #fixed-lines, Poems

Ongoingdeaf poem

0:00

/224.48941

1×

When little,  
real little,  
earliest memories little,  
bedwetting little,  
biting humans (when mad) little,  
Dino Nugget dinner little,

it would come upon me,  
what I would learn to be  
tinnitus. Pronounced tinnitus.  
Though till college I called it ten-uh-tuss,  
not ten-eye-tuss. It would come upon me  
in my right ear. Loud,  
but not loud.  
Deafening,  
but not damaging,  
like stepping into a waterfall,  
ringing. Washing over you,  
overcoming you, but one long ring,  
not bells. A hum. A high hum.  
A high hum so loud not loud  
the world around fades away, recedes,  
a dimming dial dialing down.  
Your own new world enveloping you,  
protecting you.

Scary. Not scary. It passes in seconds.  
You call it ... God. So you say to your child self,  
"God, every time you come to me,  
it is your promise to love me  
for one more year."

But these were the days of Cingular Jack:  
rollover minutes, rollover deals—  
not unlimited. Scarcity world.  
AT&T blasting commercials.  
No more use it or lose it.  
Save it. For later. So,

being a child, I ask God if we can have  
rollover rings, rollover love. Save it.  
For later. That for every time tinnitus  
would come over me, I would add  
one more year to God loving me.  
Cumulative.

After a while, a year or so,  
I hit that critical threshold:  
one-hundred.

God will love me for certainly  
longer than I will be alive. I'm saved.  
(Nevermind reincarnation.)

So I no longer count. Just,  
"Hello. Thank you. I love you too."

But now I wake—just yesterday—  
to a new reality. The ringing  
won't stop. Loud. Always. There.  
A companion forever in my ear.  
So much peace. "Could it be, God?  
Will I go deaf?"

This pressure mounting,  
hazy over life. Free. "God, please.  
May I go deaf? Will you save me  
from this engrossment.  
My addiction to sound?"  
Nevermind.

For at least, right now,  
we are found. Ring. Ring.  
Sweet, sweet, love.

Infinity.